If Donald Trump Can Be President, I Can Be A…

I could sit here and write a long ol’ article on my feelings towards Donald Trump. I could call him a racist, sexist, homophobic, nasty, lying man who should never have been allowed to run for presidency, let alone win. However, that won’t change anything. The fact of the matter is that Donald Trump is going to be president and we’re all (most likely) doomed.

So, what positives can be taken from this? At first, like many, I assumed there weren’t any but then I thought about it a little more and realised that Donald Trump’s impending presidency has taught us all one thing – that having experience isn’t required for even the world’s most important jobs, which is a nice thought. Donald Trump hasn’t let having a lack of experience and zero relevant attributes hold him back, and neither will I.

All this got me thinking about what jobs I should start applying for. Who cares if I have no relevant experience and no skills, Donald Trump has set a president and these things are no longer required. This means the list of jobs I could do is endless.

Tonight Donald, I’m Going To Be…

Japanese Translator 

I don’t speak Japanese, but why should that prevent me from being a Japanese translator? I have also never been to Japan, know nothing about Japan and I’m not even sure I know where Japan is. But, I figured that’s probably not necessary because I *have* seen a few travel shows where they go to Tokyo and that’s probably good enough.

Dolphin Trainer

Being a dolphin trainer is another profession I think I would really excel in. I know what a dolphin is, I’ve seen wild dolphins a few times and I know they’re really intelligent animals. It’s great that the fact that I failed at training my own dog, have never touched a dolphin and don’t really agree with them being kept in captivity isn’t relevant at all.

Detective Inspector

In recent months I have read A LOT of crime and murder mystery novels and this got me thinking about how interesting it would be to be a Detective Inspector; investigating crimes, interviewing suspects, solving important cases, looking at evidence and so on. Previously, I would’ve quickly dismissed any newly realised dreams of being the country’s best DI, but not now. If I combine the books I’ve read and the number of episodes of Snapped! Women Who Kill I’ve seen I could, *ding ding ding* you guessed it, skip all police training and secure a job at Scotland Yard by the end of 2017. MI5 or the FBI will probably snap me up after that.


Now, I may not immediately strike people as someone who has the potential to be a stuntwoman. I’m not very active, have zero flexibility, no upper body strength and don’t really like running around or being sweaty. But, if I want to be the next Ninja Warrior or Gladiator, I shall.


I have a driving license, I’ve been on a number of planes in my lifetime and I’m average at following directions. If these aren’t the sort of things that make me prime pilot material I have no idea what are. Captain Sexton is ready to fly you here, there and everywhere. Buckle up.


Okay, so yes I did have to look up how to spell astrophysicist and yes, I did have to Google what exactly an astrophysicist does but if anything this new information qualifies me for the job. Turns out astrophysics is a lot to do with astronomy and the physics and chemistry of the stars and outer space. I think. Wikipedia wasn’t *that* clear. Anyway, now I have a rough idea I’m ready to take on any astrophysics work that needs to be done. Truth be told I think my GCSE A in Chemistry and that Brian Cox documentary on space I watched one time over-qualifies me for the job, if anything.

Now, all I have to do is decide which of these careers I’m going to pursue first.





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